We’ve all had or currently have them…difficult co-workers! Now, I am not your conventional “speak with your supervisor immediately” kind of advice giver, more of a “this is how it REALLY is and this is the most practical way to deal with it” kind of girl! So, regardless of the flavor whether it is: Obnoxious, know-it-all, passive aggressive or snotty, 99.9% of the time there are 3 reasons why you are having issues with someone at work. They are Jealousy, Bitterness and Intimidation. So identify the reason and try using the following tips to deal with them;

•Jealousy – Perhaps you are taller, shorter, skinnier, happier or smarter than your co-worker. Regardless if this is true or not they are reflecting those insecurities on you through acts of aggression or negative behaviors! To deal with this usually takes acts of “above and beyond”! Start with being EXTRA nice (I know, painful sometimes but remember YOU are the bigger person here!). Give an extra smile or good morning and have a good night! Once you have taken your time to do that (remember, this is like dating – you can’t come on to strong right away or your ulterior motives will start to shine through) start paying compliments as you walk by like “Fabulous top, the color looks great on you!” or try a “Your new hair style looks amazing on you!” Then finally, when that special moment presents itself (because trust me, if you follow the steps above you will create this moment!) give a “You have the most amazing make up techniques I am so JEALOUS” or “My, you are so good at that computer program, I could learn a lot from you!”. This will eventually show that you perhaps have some insecurity yourself and that you are not one to be jealous of!

•Bitterness – I have encountered many and will continue to run into them…Bitter Ben’s and Beatty’s! Perhaps you got the better desk, you got the position they wanted, or you have the relationship with the boss that they don’t have. OR quite simply, they are just bitter in general. Bitter that they had to get up and come to work that day. Bitter because they fill under paid or over worked. Whatever it may be, there is only one tactic for this one, the consistent professional. People with the bitter attitudes usually come with frequent mood swings! You cannot engage them when they decide that they are going to throw bitterness out the window for a couple of hours and socialize at work and then have to avoid them when the mood swings in the other direction. If you remain the consistent professional REGARDLESS of their mood they will eventually learn you are not going to engage in any behavior other than what you are reflecting yourself.

•Intimidation – People will generally react poorly to someone they feel intimidated by. Perhaps your dress better or are quicker at putting projects together or you are an ace with the computer program your company uses, who knows the reason really. The threat that you may achieve greater success in a shorter time will easily cause resentment. In this case, find something that they are better at and ask for there advice. Put the person in the position of knowledge and they will start to realize the have the strengths and stop reflecting their insecurities on you!

Regardless of the category they fall under, it is so important that you NEVER lie down and take blatant inappropriate behavior. You will never get in trouble for PROFESSIONALLY standing up for yourself. “Suzy it seems as if you are not a fan of me and I am sorry you feel that way. However, if you could set that aside so we can both do our jobs, I think that will be best for both of us!” They will have NO response to that because you are right and no manager can call that an inappropriate reaction.

One final note, next time you are looking at your co-worker that YOU can’t stand, ask yourself; are you bitter, jealous or intimidated by them?

Happy Climbing!
Jennifer

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Alright, we all know it is terrible to gossip at work, right? But the Siren’s lure to the “water cooler” is hard to resist.  “Why,” You might ask.  Because gossip has become a major part of social interaction in the workplace.  It helps co-workers bond and get to know each other and creates a united front against management.  It’s also, now lets be honest here, a MAJOR release in your day.  It has become a form of socialized venting throughout the day.  But there are times when gossip takes a venomous turn and we end up causing more harm than good.  So, no, this isn’t going to be a don’t-gossip-at-work lecture, but a how-to tutorial!

• Be the listener!  It is possible some or many of your existing working relationships were built upon some daily chatter of the negative variety, so changing this dynamic can be awkward and sometimes difficult.  So here’s the easiest way to change this.  Let the other person do the talking!     Respond with things like, “Oh My”, “Really?” or “You’re Kidding!”  Feel free to sprinkle in the occasional smile, frown or nod.  The goal is to maintain the relationship but not actually participate in the ACTUAL gossip.

• Find a confidante.  Someone with whom you can share all those juicy details or share the frequent “I’ve had it, I’m quitting today” outbursts with.  A word of caution with this bit: the type of relationship this requires may take longer to build that your average “I hate my job” one.  Humans will naturally watch out for themselves, so people who can truly keep a secret are few and far between.  This sort of venting is not for one of your casual co-chatters as you never know when they may open up to their confidantes—one of whom doesn’t have your best interests in mind and you find yourself trying to explain to your boss why you love your job and that you should remain in their employ.    Don’t ever assume that because the person you’re gossiping to is in a lower level position that they’re going to stay there.  You never know when the receptionist will become the manager…then, oh boy, are you in trouble!

• Know when is when.  When a topic makes it way to something regarding salaries, bonus, job security…items that are office taboos, know how to lead the conversation away from this savage land.  Look at the clock, maybe an “Oh shoot! I need to get an email out, let’s finish this later” or “the boss wants this report done ASAP”.  It is always important that you can plead the 5^th in some way or another.

• Don’t be the lame duck!  Others can’t be the ones doing all the gossiping.  To avoid being the odd man out, throw in some juicy celebrity gossip.  This is totally safe—it’s not likely that you’re going to meet Tiger Woods in person and have to explain yourself to him.  Celebrity social events, sports figures and TV reality are fair game and no one ends up being the bad guy. 

• Last but not least! When you become a team lead/supervisor/manager, all gossiping on your part has to stop. Period. 

The reality of it is this: people are always going to gossip.  That’s just how it goes.  But there are ways that you can keep the social dynamic without the negativity and fear that something might come back and bite you in the butt!

Happy Climbing!

Jennifer